You ever

You ever have a feeling like you are being squeezed-that's the wrong word. It's where you feel like you are being crushed under some undefinable weight. As if there were walls surrounding you pressing in on you, tighter and tighter and your vision blurs and and you can't breath. Where you have seeminly few options and you can't take any-and your mistakes of the past, and your lack of possibilities keep pressing in on you, and no matter where you are, you just cant seem to alleviate the pressure. It doesnt matter the choices you make, for you cannot escape it, there will just be new containment, holding you; and your left gasping for air, shaking your head, thinking how do I escape.


Or am I just bleak...

My last day

So I have started my new job and it has forced me to reminsce about my last job. You see for the past 8 1/2 years I was employed by Blockbuster Video, who from now on will simply be referred to as BBV. This job had a great many up and downs, and I can't in good conscience say that I loved the job, but I mean hey, i worked for a video store. So as part of my reminisence, I thought I would share what my last day of work entailed.

The day began promtly at 9:15ish when I arrived to work. I then proceeded with the daily opening duties which I had barely managed to get done before the store opened. It being a Sunday morning however left me with few customers and myself being the self motivated hard worker I am, took a little rest.

The day continued along nicley, there was not much incident, I however found myself in a dangerous predicament, I determined that I had at some point become bored and hungry, so I purchased a lovely pizza and watched Star Wars on the TVs, which also is lovely.

Dont get me wrong, I offered some outstanding customer service to people if they needed something...well maybe not outstanding, but it was decent. If someone asked where a particular title was located I pointed to the general direction where one could fine it, pretty satisfactory if you ask me.

Anyhow, the day proceeded pretty much like that, I ended up watching another of the Star Wars series, had some sodas, said some goodbyes, kissed some babies, won some medals, wiped some tears, shook some hands, a few hugs, a few kisses-wink, and walked through the door for the last time, after almost a decade. It was bittersweet.


Well, I did have to come back for my camera, but then that was the absolute last time I walked through the doors.

Damn fine day

So this weekend my friend Mr. McButters decided to come out stay the weekend with myself, and the rest of the Raitz clan. We thought that we would do some rather entertaining activities and all-in-all have an exciting adventure.

He arrived late Thursday evening and we reconnected (after all it has been a week since we've seen each other). So we stayed up for a few hours, did a little talking and spent the rest of the time downloading music.

The following day was inconsequential to the rest of this story, so we'll skip it.

Saturday began with an early start, Jason made breakfast for us. This may have been the catalyst for the mood that encompassed our feelings for the rest of the day. By the way it was a delicious pancake breakfast that was very enticing. Directly proceeding breakfast we decided to return to a room where we can control the entrance of those that cannot work child proof door knobs.

I'm not gonna lie to you, there we spent the next few hours tooling around on the Internet, downloading more music, TV shows, pretty much doing nothing of consequence. We did however send Bobby on a top secret mission to the fridge to retrieve some top secret sodas.

Around one-ish we decided that we should do something, the plan was to hop on a train and go downtown for some excitement. However upon review of the weather and the freezing temperatures, the decision was made to stay home to continue to do what we have already been doing...namely nothing.

So we got some pizza, some sodas, a few snacks and spent the rest of the day sitting in the same positions on couches watching about 12 episodes of the office, while continuing to tool around on the laptops.

All-in-all...a damn fine day.

My day

If anyone knows anything about me they know that I like my space. I'm not a hermit, I just enjoy some jimmy time. The fortunate and unfortunate quirk about my current living situation is that I live with my 6 year old neice, 4 and 2 year old nephews. Now, truthfully I love the little buggers and have been enjoying living with them...most of the time.


I would share with you my day with them:
-I awoke to running and screaming down the hall @ 8:00 am, 8:30 am, 9:30 am, and 10:00 am.
-It finally worked @ around 11:00 when Bobby and Zach were knocking on my door, trying to open it, Bobb calling out uncle jimmy and zach calling out em (that's how he says my name), then tracie telling them to let me sleep, and they without concealing the shock in their voices exclaimed he's still sleeping.
-When I had emerged from my room, Tracie had taken them to the store, so I used the time to prepare some delicious pancakes. Upon returning from the store bob informed me pancakes are his favorite and he was hungry, and zach said pop, which means he would also enjoy some flap jacks.
-After my misreading the 3/4 cup of water with 3 or 4 cups of water the three of us sat down for an amazing...ly sticky brunch. Followed by the thrice of us cleaning up, cause as bobby tells me, team work is fun.
-Awhile later I heard a knock on my door and to my surprise when I opened it Batman was standing outside the door. When I was surprised and called him batman, he removed his mask and with a giggle said "no uncle jimmy, its be bobby."He then came into my room, told me my room was cool, questioned me about pretty much everything, and then purused my films, finding batman he decided we should watch/play batman, which was fun cause I was getting ready to go out.



-The very best though was later that evening the six of us were at church and bobby likes to listen to jay's ipod during the service, which is fine during worship, but soon as announcements started, all you could hear was bobby asking questions at the top of his lungs, because he still had the ipod on. It was fairly humerous to those around us.

All in all, its amazing how kids can brighten up a day, or even in the midst of some terrible feelings, they can turn everything around.

i still need some space though.

I've had some fairly confusing feelings lately, some things that I can't describe and can at times be debilitating. Anyways, I spend a fair amount of time reading, and lately I have been reading some poetry. There is this one poet that I found that is sometimes hard to decipher, yet I connect with his words. I just read this one and have been pondering it:

-The Caged Skylark-

As a dare-gale skylark scanted in a dull cage
Man's mounting spirit in his bone-house, mean house,
dwells-
That bird beyond the remembering his free fells;
This in drudgery, day-labouring-out life's age.
Though aloft on turf or perch or poor low stage,
Both sing sometimes the sweetest, sweetest spells,
Yet both droop deadly sometimes in their cells
Or wring their barriers in bursts of fear or rage.

Not that the sweet-fowl, song-fowl, needs to rest-
Why, hear him , hear him babble and drop down to his nest,
But his own nest, wild nest, no prison.

Man's spirit will be flesh-bound when found at best,
But uncumbered: meadow-down is not distressed
For a rainbow footing it nor he for his bones risen.