Ah, the end of Christmas. What a day.
This is the first year I have not spent Christmas with any family whatsoever. It is kind of a surreal experience.
It actually has been quite awful, this entire week.
I have virtually not left the bottle for days and I am foul at the moment.
Pent-up to explosion.
I wish I had a definitive answer.
I'm frustrated at not being able to have provided for myself, to rely on asking, and still no gain to make.
I don't like the charity.
I don't like the ever-ending circle.
I don't like the use for validation, and not realizing.
I don't like your demeaning texts, trying for a moment to think you understand me. You do not, and keep the jealousy.
I don't like the blame that was put on me, as if I did not feel bad enough.
I don't like playing anymore.
I don't like the typing that assumes something about me that I am incapable of doing.
I don't like you telling my boss that you are surprised that I am working out.
I don't like the feigned concern.
I don't like you wanting and not wanting something from me.
I don't like that everyone thinks that I can be labeled and that you know what it is.
Fuck you.
In a world where people presume and assume about all things they know nothing about, leave me out of it.
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2 comments:
James,
I love you at the core of who you are. I smile when I think about you and who I've created you to be. Even at your lowest point, I am there beside you. Remember what it meant when you decided to call me Lord and asked me to save me from yourself? I'm still here and I'm still willing to save you, if you'll have me. You desperately need one and I desperately want to save you. Come, follow me, James.
Jesus
Jesus apparently has bad grammar.
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