I would like to share a little story. This is the kind of tale that has a lasting impact and will be burried in the folds of your mind for times to come.
Its a story as old as time...that began about four to five years ago. I was in my early twenties and was presently employed by Blockbuster Video. At this time I was well connected with certain individuals and they came to rely on me for any number of responsibilities. Alas, it is such a cirumstance where the rising action takes place.
I was asked to help close down one of the stores in our district. Now trust me when I tell you that this is not as grandeose as it sounds, it involves a lot of heavy lifting and moving shit. So here I am one sunny summer morning loading a Uhaul full of various items one might find in your typical retail outlet. We needed to transport our cargo to a holding facility and unload, and I was chosen to drive, so I was the leader if you will.
There was another fine fellow that was chosen to accompany me, a man whom I did not know, but I would learn all I would ever need to know about him soon enough. We are cruising down 5 file at a moderate speed when we came to an intersection whereas I proceeded to venture in the left hand turn lane. It was here my compannion would shock me. He observed a young man skateboarding down the sidewalk and with a swiftness I had not deemed probable, he rolled down his window and shouted "Greenhair...asswhole."
Needless to say I was floored, I was not sure what to say so I promptly closed my mouth and proceeded to say nothing, however this little outburst by a man whom I couldn't pick out of a lineup, has had a lasting influence on me, and I daresay on many of those around me.
Let me explain: you see ever since that day the word asswhole and greenhair have become synonymous in my mind. I have uttered the term greenhair on a fairly regular basis ever since, and have encouraged others to pick up the call as well. It started small with my friend Butters, when we would see some walking, we would simply roll down our windows and shout "greenhair", befuddleling all who would come across our path.
So here I am now, years later and I am still uttering that phrase, telling all who would here the tale and encouraging them to also adopt this phrase. In truth I can be in a room and hear that very phrase uttered and the response of asswhole, its like a secret call to all those that know about its true meaning.
There is a trick to saying it however. You cannot simply shout greenhair in your regular tone, you have to drop it a tone or two. Also you have to slow down the speech and kind of say it out of one side of your mouth, it is then that you will have mastered it.
As I look back on this incident that has had such a profound exposure to me, I can't help but think that my companion was infact the one with greenhair. Metaphorically speaking of course.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
My real life to begin.
Recently I heard a song that made me stop. I have never identified with a piece of music like I have with this one. Its almost as if the song was written about me and for me. I enjoy it more and more upon each new listening. If evere there were a song that would sum me up, right now in my life, it'd be this one.
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
On a clear I can see
See a very long way
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I’ll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean
And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin
On a clear I can see
See a very long way
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
A Tangled Web We Weave
So I have been in refelction lately and trying to study some of the choices that i have made over the last year(s), which led me down the path of where I am now. That however is not the topic I am exploring exactly. I have just been wondering about choices and life in general. Every choice that we make has some type of reprecussion, for good or ill. Now I know that what you choose at Taco Bell may seem trivial for such a big word as reprecussion, but we all have ordered the wrong thing at some point in life. Choices are what lead us to where we are and where we're going.
Did you ever think "if only I would have just did something different" or fantasize about traveling back through time to correct a choice that has had an undesireable flavour in your life. I wonder about who I am and how the choices I've made in life have influenced me. Are you the person you've always wanted to be? Ah, what a question. One can always choose what they would want to change about themselves, but do they make the fundamental choice to better themselves, or at least to be happy.
Life is where our choices have led us. There is an image in my mind. I feel like life is like a large intricate spider web, we all start in the middle but from there the paths we can choose can take us any number of directions. There is always a new choice in which web to take, and they all lead to a different ending.
I am in a different place then I was a year ago, even six months ago. I dont know where I'll be in a year but I know that there are many differnt choices and paths for me to take. I believe that I'll always have a choice. That everyone does, the trick is making the right one, cause we have all made the wrongs ones. But. That is life, a tangled web that we weave.
Did you ever think "if only I would have just did something different" or fantasize about traveling back through time to correct a choice that has had an undesireable flavour in your life. I wonder about who I am and how the choices I've made in life have influenced me. Are you the person you've always wanted to be? Ah, what a question. One can always choose what they would want to change about themselves, but do they make the fundamental choice to better themselves, or at least to be happy.
Life is where our choices have led us. There is an image in my mind. I feel like life is like a large intricate spider web, we all start in the middle but from there the paths we can choose can take us any number of directions. There is always a new choice in which web to take, and they all lead to a different ending.
I am in a different place then I was a year ago, even six months ago. I dont know where I'll be in a year but I know that there are many differnt choices and paths for me to take. I believe that I'll always have a choice. That everyone does, the trick is making the right one, cause we have all made the wrongs ones. But. That is life, a tangled web that we weave.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Zach
So this is short. My youngest nephew Zach, who has a small speech problem started doing two really funny things. First off, everytime I see him he now grows this big smile and says "hi unc em" and waves his hand at me. It really is the cutest thing.
Second his last session with his speech therapist she was trying to teach him the word sheep. She was trying to show him the sh in word. Unfortunatly he couldn't quite get it, so now he says eepsh. It's awesome.
Monday, May 14, 2007
five years
Yesterday someone asked me the question "where do you see yourself in five years?" The question took a minute to register with me fully, and my response: "I have no idea."
When I look back at where I was a year ago, and where I'm at now, I dont think that I can even take an intelligent guess at where I'll be in a year,let alone five years. Here's the thing though, that's just fine with me. The future is blank and I dont know where life will take me. This thought awhile ago would have depressed me, however my outlook has altered somewhat. Where as before I saw a lack of options, I now see options available if I work toward them. The only obstacles left to conquer is finding my passion and discipline. I believe that once I acquire those I have alot of directions in which I can go.
So does not knowing where I'll be in five years scare me, no. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I will be in the same place; and I'm not simply referring to geographical location.
When I look back at where I was a year ago, and where I'm at now, I dont think that I can even take an intelligent guess at where I'll be in a year,let alone five years. Here's the thing though, that's just fine with me. The future is blank and I dont know where life will take me. This thought awhile ago would have depressed me, however my outlook has altered somewhat. Where as before I saw a lack of options, I now see options available if I work toward them. The only obstacles left to conquer is finding my passion and discipline. I believe that once I acquire those I have alot of directions in which I can go.
So does not knowing where I'll be in five years scare me, no. The only thing I'm afraid of is that I will be in the same place; and I'm not simply referring to geographical location.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Brothers
“Check the perimeter,” said one soldier dressed all in black to another soldier, similarly dressed.
“Perimeter is clear sir.” The two soldiers proceed to execute a standard sweep through the domicile, checking every room for possible hostiles.
“Kitchen clear.”
“Bathroom clear.”
“Basement clear.”
“All right lets head up stairs.”
At this point the two dangerously trained soldiers checked their weapons and headed up the stairs. Ever so slowly they crept not wanting to alert the enemy of their approach.
Blam Blam. Blam.
“Take cover, take cover, shots fired shots fired.”
“Sergeant Jason your hit, stay down. I will get us out of this.”
This seemingly innocent upstairs bedroom had erupted into a war zone. Bullets flying overhead, grenades being thrown, explosions encircling them, blood everywhere, it was hell on earth.
The soldiers did their best to stay calm and remember their training, they fought valiantly, but could rapidly see their enemy closing in upon them.
Blam. Blam. Blam. Aargh.
“I hit you,” screamed one of the soldiers.
“No you didn’t, I have on bullet proof armor.”
“No, my bullets can go through anything, even your armor.”
“That’s dumb.”
“Its not dumb.”
The two soldiers left alive confront each other on the battlefield. Soldiers, fighters, brothers, kids.
“You can’t say it’s dumb…your dumb.”
“What?”
The conflict had come to a head. There was no way either side could decide the victor of the skirmish for themselves, and now that harsh language had been called upon there was only one being that could ultimately decide the fate of these brave soldiers.
“Mooooom.”
“You are such a baby, always calling mom.”
“I’m not a baby. Mom, Jay called me a baby.”
At this betrayal of the code between siblings, the older brother pushed the younger brother down and with his bigger hands he held his brother’s smaller hands to the floor.
“You are a baby, baby, baby, always calling for his mommy.”
“Moooom, Jason is being mean. MOOOOOOOM.”
Both boys stopped quite suddenly when they heard the sound of footfalls on the stairwell. You can tell a lot about the mood of someone by the way they ascend or descend stairs, and the soldiers knew that by the sound of these feet, that the decider of their fate was in no mood that would bode well for them. This was the moment of truth, the younger spoke first.
“Mom, I shot Jason first and he wouldn’t die, then he called me a baby,” it was at this point that the elder interrupted.
“That’s not true, and I wouldn’t call you a baby if you didn’t act like one. Mom he didn’t shoot me first I have on armor, he can’t shoot me…"
“ENOUGH.” The words came out like steam from a locomotive, loud and attention grabbing. “ I have had enough. Look at this mess, your father is gonna be home soon and I don’t have time for this.” She let out a sigh as if she just discovered that her vinyl Elvis collection suffered water damage. “Listen I have to finish dinner, would you two please play nicely.” She turned to walk away and after a short pause turned back around, ‘what if both your sides came to a truce?”
“What’s a truce?” asked the inquisitive younger son.
“Its where both armies decide that they have killed each other enough and both decide that they are winners, so everyone lives and wins.”
The shocked look of skepticism was apparent on the faces of the two boys. The older brother took initiative however.
“Your right mom, that’s a cool idea. Listen Jamie we both can be winners, no more arguing, ok.”
“Well I guess…if you think it’s cool.”
A smile appeared upon the mother’s face. “Good, play nice boys.” With that she descended the stairs with a swift, rejuvenated pace to finish…well whatever it is that mothers do.
She continued to smile at the quiet that had erupted, the stillness, the calm…
BLAM. BLAM. BLAM.
“I hit you, you’re dead.”
“No I’m not, you’re stupid.”
“Mooooooom.”
“Perimeter is clear sir.” The two soldiers proceed to execute a standard sweep through the domicile, checking every room for possible hostiles.
“Kitchen clear.”
“Bathroom clear.”
“Basement clear.”
“All right lets head up stairs.”
At this point the two dangerously trained soldiers checked their weapons and headed up the stairs. Ever so slowly they crept not wanting to alert the enemy of their approach.
Blam Blam. Blam.
“Take cover, take cover, shots fired shots fired.”
“Sergeant Jason your hit, stay down. I will get us out of this.”
This seemingly innocent upstairs bedroom had erupted into a war zone. Bullets flying overhead, grenades being thrown, explosions encircling them, blood everywhere, it was hell on earth.
The soldiers did their best to stay calm and remember their training, they fought valiantly, but could rapidly see their enemy closing in upon them.
Blam. Blam. Blam. Aargh.
“I hit you,” screamed one of the soldiers.
“No you didn’t, I have on bullet proof armor.”
“No, my bullets can go through anything, even your armor.”
“That’s dumb.”
“Its not dumb.”
The two soldiers left alive confront each other on the battlefield. Soldiers, fighters, brothers, kids.
“You can’t say it’s dumb…your dumb.”
“What?”
The conflict had come to a head. There was no way either side could decide the victor of the skirmish for themselves, and now that harsh language had been called upon there was only one being that could ultimately decide the fate of these brave soldiers.
“Mooooom.”
“You are such a baby, always calling mom.”
“I’m not a baby. Mom, Jay called me a baby.”
At this betrayal of the code between siblings, the older brother pushed the younger brother down and with his bigger hands he held his brother’s smaller hands to the floor.
“You are a baby, baby, baby, always calling for his mommy.”
“Moooom, Jason is being mean. MOOOOOOOM.”
Both boys stopped quite suddenly when they heard the sound of footfalls on the stairwell. You can tell a lot about the mood of someone by the way they ascend or descend stairs, and the soldiers knew that by the sound of these feet, that the decider of their fate was in no mood that would bode well for them. This was the moment of truth, the younger spoke first.
“Mom, I shot Jason first and he wouldn’t die, then he called me a baby,” it was at this point that the elder interrupted.
“That’s not true, and I wouldn’t call you a baby if you didn’t act like one. Mom he didn’t shoot me first I have on armor, he can’t shoot me…"
“ENOUGH.” The words came out like steam from a locomotive, loud and attention grabbing. “ I have had enough. Look at this mess, your father is gonna be home soon and I don’t have time for this.” She let out a sigh as if she just discovered that her vinyl Elvis collection suffered water damage. “Listen I have to finish dinner, would you two please play nicely.” She turned to walk away and after a short pause turned back around, ‘what if both your sides came to a truce?”
“What’s a truce?” asked the inquisitive younger son.
“Its where both armies decide that they have killed each other enough and both decide that they are winners, so everyone lives and wins.”
The shocked look of skepticism was apparent on the faces of the two boys. The older brother took initiative however.
“Your right mom, that’s a cool idea. Listen Jamie we both can be winners, no more arguing, ok.”
“Well I guess…if you think it’s cool.”
A smile appeared upon the mother’s face. “Good, play nice boys.” With that she descended the stairs with a swift, rejuvenated pace to finish…well whatever it is that mothers do.
She continued to smile at the quiet that had erupted, the stillness, the calm…
BLAM. BLAM. BLAM.
“I hit you, you’re dead.”
“No I’m not, you’re stupid.”
“Mooooooom.”
Monday, April 30, 2007
hair care?
Well I thought of another funny story that happened a few years back. The year I believe to be 2003, there was a music festival called Blitzfest being held at Birchrun, MI. Somehow my brother, myself, and our friend Zack were roped into helping with this endeavor. So we spent an entire Friday setting up for this bitch, and it was a bitch. I mean there was a lot of work to be done and few of us to accomplish the tasks, so please excuse my choice of words when I call it a bitch. Needless to say by the end of the day we were plumb tuckered out, and after a breif jaunt in the pool, we settled ourselves in for the eveing. This is just the set-up for the story.
So day two rolls around and we begin to ready ourselves for the day's activities. Now let me explain something to you, I know when you look at me you might say "hey he's a damn fine looking man", or even "he's cute". But what most people say is probably "wow, he has great hair". Its true I pride myself on my locks, its my cross to bear. Anyways to quench any lingering curiosity about it, I do have to use an assortment of products in order to achieve the look. Without these products...well let's just say that it is not pretty.
Ok, so here I am getting ready and come to realize that I somehow must have left said hair products behind in my haste to ready myself the previous day. Bearing this in mind let me explain that I was completely broke as well. Whats a man to do? So later Zack and I happen to be out on an errand for this event when I spot some type of store on the horizon. I tell Barker to hasten to the exit and there we behold a grocery store in all its splendor.
We enter and quickly locate the hair care aisle, remember I dont have any cash and Zack certainly isnt going to purchase it for me (he didnt have any either). So I picked up one of the products and we proceed to walk around looking at various items, pretending to browse. It was then that I quickly and silently slid off the cap and placed a sample of the product into the palm of my hand. With equal swiftnesss I returned the lid and continued along the aisle. You may be asking yourself if I smeared the product between my hands and "did" my hair. Negative, that would be way to conspicuous. No I loudly proclaimed that after reflection I do not need to purchase said product and my compadre and myself will vacate the premises.
So we left and I did my hair. I did have a sticky residue left on my hands however, so I did not get away totally clean. Yes folks I am a rebel and I have broken the law, but its ok cause it was for a good cause-wink.
So day two rolls around and we begin to ready ourselves for the day's activities. Now let me explain something to you, I know when you look at me you might say "hey he's a damn fine looking man", or even "he's cute". But what most people say is probably "wow, he has great hair". Its true I pride myself on my locks, its my cross to bear. Anyways to quench any lingering curiosity about it, I do have to use an assortment of products in order to achieve the look. Without these products...well let's just say that it is not pretty.
Ok, so here I am getting ready and come to realize that I somehow must have left said hair products behind in my haste to ready myself the previous day. Bearing this in mind let me explain that I was completely broke as well. Whats a man to do? So later Zack and I happen to be out on an errand for this event when I spot some type of store on the horizon. I tell Barker to hasten to the exit and there we behold a grocery store in all its splendor.
We enter and quickly locate the hair care aisle, remember I dont have any cash and Zack certainly isnt going to purchase it for me (he didnt have any either). So I picked up one of the products and we proceed to walk around looking at various items, pretending to browse. It was then that I quickly and silently slid off the cap and placed a sample of the product into the palm of my hand. With equal swiftnesss I returned the lid and continued along the aisle. You may be asking yourself if I smeared the product between my hands and "did" my hair. Negative, that would be way to conspicuous. No I loudly proclaimed that after reflection I do not need to purchase said product and my compadre and myself will vacate the premises.
So we left and I did my hair. I did have a sticky residue left on my hands however, so I did not get away totally clean. Yes folks I am a rebel and I have broken the law, but its ok cause it was for a good cause-wink.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Accident or Conspiracy
So the other day at approximately 8:25 A.M, I was waiting in the doorway to see my niece Bekah get on the bus for school. I was at that location due to the early hours and the fact I neglected to grab a shirt or some sort of similar garment. Having succumbed to the early morning temperatures I turned my back for the briefest of seconds to grab a jacket outta the closet next to me...that's when I heard voices. I immediately turned my attention to sound of this voice, the voice was feminine in nature and was clearly communicating with Bekah. I proceeded to adjust my stance in case anything went down and I would have to get "ghetto", if you know what I mean.
Anyhow, so after a few seconds Bekah comes marching towards me and she has a package in her hand, which I recognized immediately. "Uncle Jimmy", she says and launches into a recap of the discourse that had taken place between her and the neighbor. Apparently the mailman had "accidentally" dropped off this package to their residence and they had "accidentally" opened it.
Now this may not strike you as odd, however let me clarify a few of the details. This package was a bright color in nature and my name was very clearly marked upon the outside of the package. I have been receiving mail from this company quite reguarly since I moved here and I find it difficult to swallow that the mailman gave it to the wrong house. This wasn't accidentally opened, it was torn open. Finally there are four adults that live in this house, we can be found at all times of the day coming in and out, yet she chose to give it to the seven year old, interesting.
Was this simply a mistake on the the part of the mailman and our neigbors, or is there a bigger conspiracy here to watch my netflix? I'll let you decide.
Anyhow, so after a few seconds Bekah comes marching towards me and she has a package in her hand, which I recognized immediately. "Uncle Jimmy", she says and launches into a recap of the discourse that had taken place between her and the neighbor. Apparently the mailman had "accidentally" dropped off this package to their residence and they had "accidentally" opened it.
Now this may not strike you as odd, however let me clarify a few of the details. This package was a bright color in nature and my name was very clearly marked upon the outside of the package. I have been receiving mail from this company quite reguarly since I moved here and I find it difficult to swallow that the mailman gave it to the wrong house. This wasn't accidentally opened, it was torn open. Finally there are four adults that live in this house, we can be found at all times of the day coming in and out, yet she chose to give it to the seven year old, interesting.
Was this simply a mistake on the the part of the mailman and our neigbors, or is there a bigger conspiracy here to watch my netflix? I'll let you decide.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Woa, lets not get ahead of ourselves
So I was just reminiscing about this past summer and I recalled a short story from my brief stint in the country south of us, for all of you geographically challenged-Mexico.
So here we are, Zach, Drew, and myself and we are leading worship for a group ~90. Now we built some instant rappoir with a group from Northern MI. One young lady admirded my ability to bass and inquired if I would show her a few things, which I love when people admire my limited abilities, so I was all about that.
I let her play in one song, showed her some scales, some techniques, wrote some things down for her, and overall was very nice. That is until the last night, we were saying our goodbyes to the group and this young lady was saying thank-you, and she said "I just hope that one day I'm as good as you". My response? "Well let's not get ahead of ourselves." I seriously said that. I just see my companions faces stop in shock and slowly turn to look at me.
Now I said this with the purest intent, never meaning to come across as a jackass, just trying to make a funny. However no matter how many apologies I had offered, I feel as though, its still pretty funny, when taken in context.
So here we are, Zach, Drew, and myself and we are leading worship for a group ~90. Now we built some instant rappoir with a group from Northern MI. One young lady admirded my ability to bass and inquired if I would show her a few things, which I love when people admire my limited abilities, so I was all about that.
I let her play in one song, showed her some scales, some techniques, wrote some things down for her, and overall was very nice. That is until the last night, we were saying our goodbyes to the group and this young lady was saying thank-you, and she said "I just hope that one day I'm as good as you". My response? "Well let's not get ahead of ourselves." I seriously said that. I just see my companions faces stop in shock and slowly turn to look at me.
Now I said this with the purest intent, never meaning to come across as a jackass, just trying to make a funny. However no matter how many apologies I had offered, I feel as though, its still pretty funny, when taken in context.
Goal.
I have decided that my posting habits need some serious upheavals. I mean to post at least once a day, however due to a strenuous sleeping schedule I am unable to fullfill this quota that i have set for myself. Does this mean that I perceive myself to be a failure in this aspect...I'm not sure I gotta sleep on it.
Today I am enjoying this beautiful day off, sitting on a deck in the sun, with my good friend Zackers, and my nephews whom are attempting to "hoe" the dirt. Overall, a nice little Monday.
Today I am enjoying this beautiful day off, sitting on a deck in the sun, with my good friend Zackers, and my nephews whom are attempting to "hoe" the dirt. Overall, a nice little Monday.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Good vs Bad
Stop for a minute. Have you ever had a really bad day, or a good day? Why? I've come to notice sometimes you have days that are inexplicably good or bad. Now of course there are reasons at times, yet there are times where I seem to be having a bad day and Im not really sure as to why.
Yesterday I had a bad day. I woke up late, I was tired, I hated going to work, being there, and doing work. I was sluggish and I felt pent up. You ever wonder how something from your past effects you. How some days you could care less about a year ago, and other days something triggers and you feel like you need to unleash yet without an outlet with which to unleash. I wonder if the person I am today is an effect of the events of my past, I know that it is, I just wish that I could erase certain times and have them no longer be a presence on who I am. This was part of my bad day.
Today started off much like its predecessor. I awoke 15 minutes before I had to be at work, already a bad start. I was experiencing much the same feelings and anxieties that I felt the day before. However I had an interesting talk with someone, he is a young guy from Mexico and I learned that he was a pastor there and a group on a missions trip in his town resulted in him meeting a lady. They fell in love and he moved up here and got married. He told me that when he moved he spoke no English, he had severely injured his back and could not move and for his first six months here he could not leave his in-laws. He said it was a terrible time.
When he talks about his wife his face lights up, its very visible, he talks about how much he loves her and how much she loves him and to be honest its nice to see. This however is nothing in comparison to when he talks about God. The passion he shares for God, and excitement and zeal, he has a huge smile and says the only reason worth living for is God.
He tells me this, and he says to me that God has blessed him, and continues to bless him. No matter how bad things got for him, God aws faithful to him and will bless him more. "I have a beautiful wife who loves me, a job, I now can speak two languages, good friends, and more to come." Then he looks to me and says you'll see Santiago (thats what he calls me...that or Jamie Foxx) one day soon God has huge blessings for you, you dont know, I know this for you.
Its amazing what effect a persons words can have on you. I guess the day wasn't that bad after all.
Yesterday I had a bad day. I woke up late, I was tired, I hated going to work, being there, and doing work. I was sluggish and I felt pent up. You ever wonder how something from your past effects you. How some days you could care less about a year ago, and other days something triggers and you feel like you need to unleash yet without an outlet with which to unleash. I wonder if the person I am today is an effect of the events of my past, I know that it is, I just wish that I could erase certain times and have them no longer be a presence on who I am. This was part of my bad day.
Today started off much like its predecessor. I awoke 15 minutes before I had to be at work, already a bad start. I was experiencing much the same feelings and anxieties that I felt the day before. However I had an interesting talk with someone, he is a young guy from Mexico and I learned that he was a pastor there and a group on a missions trip in his town resulted in him meeting a lady. They fell in love and he moved up here and got married. He told me that when he moved he spoke no English, he had severely injured his back and could not move and for his first six months here he could not leave his in-laws. He said it was a terrible time.
When he talks about his wife his face lights up, its very visible, he talks about how much he loves her and how much she loves him and to be honest its nice to see. This however is nothing in comparison to when he talks about God. The passion he shares for God, and excitement and zeal, he has a huge smile and says the only reason worth living for is God.
He tells me this, and he says to me that God has blessed him, and continues to bless him. No matter how bad things got for him, God aws faithful to him and will bless him more. "I have a beautiful wife who loves me, a job, I now can speak two languages, good friends, and more to come." Then he looks to me and says you'll see Santiago (thats what he calls me...that or Jamie Foxx) one day soon God has huge blessings for you, you dont know, I know this for you.
Its amazing what effect a persons words can have on you. I guess the day wasn't that bad after all.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Getting Along
Lately I have come to notice certain traits and habits of mine that may lead some to think that I may be-how do I put this delicately-getting along in my years. Yes friends I am deathly afraid of the validity of this statement. I apparently cannot escaspe the unescapable, I am getting older.
You may ask what are these so called traits and or habits that have led to this recent realization, well let me share them with you in a list...I find it easier to read and understand that way.
1) There is a current race between myself and my brother over who has acquired the most amount of grey hair. This race he desperatly wants to loose, I however like the way I look with grey hair.
2) The other day I was working with a sixteen year old and he asked me what type of music I liked, and I blanked, I couldn't think of anything besides Neil Diamond, but who doesnt like the Diamond? He rolled off a few options and for the life of me I had never heard of any of them.
3) I dont mind being called sir.
4) Recently I have noticed that I prefer the quiet to any racket that may be playing. There is something about the quiet, its calming and so peaceful, you can just sit there and be alone with your thoughts.
5) My back hurts, and my feet, and my knees, and my head.
6) I like "hanging out" at the library or the book store.
7) I can no longer watch MTV, it moves too fast, its hard for me to concentrate on whats happening, plus who can understand it anways.
8) On the opposite side I love the History Channel. Its amazing...and informative.
9) I have certain programs on certain days that I watch.
10) I like drinking tea.
11) A perfect day to me is either visting museums and art collections, or sitting around the house in my "comfortable clothes"
12) My new desires include having a stable job, a dependable car, and no health problems.
13) My car insurance is really cheap.
That's it. I was in denial for awhile, but alas I must accept the fact that I am no longer in my youth.
Don't worry your uncle jim is still as cool as ever though.
You may ask what are these so called traits and or habits that have led to this recent realization, well let me share them with you in a list...I find it easier to read and understand that way.
1) There is a current race between myself and my brother over who has acquired the most amount of grey hair. This race he desperatly wants to loose, I however like the way I look with grey hair.
2) The other day I was working with a sixteen year old and he asked me what type of music I liked, and I blanked, I couldn't think of anything besides Neil Diamond, but who doesnt like the Diamond? He rolled off a few options and for the life of me I had never heard of any of them.
3) I dont mind being called sir.
4) Recently I have noticed that I prefer the quiet to any racket that may be playing. There is something about the quiet, its calming and so peaceful, you can just sit there and be alone with your thoughts.
5) My back hurts, and my feet, and my knees, and my head.
6) I like "hanging out" at the library or the book store.
7) I can no longer watch MTV, it moves too fast, its hard for me to concentrate on whats happening, plus who can understand it anways.
8) On the opposite side I love the History Channel. Its amazing...and informative.
9) I have certain programs on certain days that I watch.
10) I like drinking tea.
11) A perfect day to me is either visting museums and art collections, or sitting around the house in my "comfortable clothes"
12) My new desires include having a stable job, a dependable car, and no health problems.
13) My car insurance is really cheap.
That's it. I was in denial for awhile, but alas I must accept the fact that I am no longer in my youth.
Don't worry your uncle jim is still as cool as ever though.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
You ever
You ever have a feeling like you are being squeezed-that's the wrong word. It's where you feel like you are being crushed under some undefinable weight. As if there were walls surrounding you pressing in on you, tighter and tighter and your vision blurs and and you can't breath. Where you have seeminly few options and you can't take any-and your mistakes of the past, and your lack of possibilities keep pressing in on you, and no matter where you are, you just cant seem to alleviate the pressure. It doesnt matter the choices you make, for you cannot escape it, there will just be new containment, holding you; and your left gasping for air, shaking your head, thinking how do I escape.
Or am I just bleak...
Or am I just bleak...
Sunday, February 25, 2007
My last day
So I have started my new job and it has forced me to reminsce about my last job. You see for the past 8 1/2 years I was employed by Blockbuster Video, who from now on will simply be referred to as BBV. This job had a great many up and downs, and I can't in good conscience say that I loved the job, but I mean hey, i worked for a video store. So as part of my reminisence, I thought I would share what my last day of work entailed.
The day began promtly at 9:15ish when I arrived to work. I then proceeded with the daily opening duties which I had barely managed to get done before the store opened. It being a Sunday morning however left me with few customers and myself being the self motivated hard worker I am, took a little rest.
The day continued along nicley, there was not much incident, I however found myself in a dangerous predicament, I determined that I had at some point become bored and hungry, so I purchased a lovely pizza and watched Star Wars on the TVs, which also is lovely.
Dont get me wrong, I offered some outstanding customer service to people if they needed something...well maybe not outstanding, but it was decent. If someone asked where a particular title was located I pointed to the general direction where one could fine it, pretty satisfactory if you ask me.
Anyhow, the day proceeded pretty much like that, I ended up watching another of the Star Wars series, had some sodas, said some goodbyes, kissed some babies, won some medals, wiped some tears, shook some hands, a few hugs, a few kisses-wink, and walked through the door for the last time, after almost a decade. It was bittersweet.
Well, I did have to come back for my camera, but then that was the absolute last time I walked through the doors.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Damn fine day
So this weekend my friend Mr. McButters decided to come out stay the weekend with myself, and the rest of the Raitz clan. We thought that we would do some rather entertaining activities and all-in-all have an exciting adventure.
He arrived late Thursday evening and we reconnected (after all it has been a week since we've seen each other). So we stayed up for a few hours, did a little talking and spent the rest of the time downloading music.
The following day was inconsequential to the rest of this story, so we'll skip it.
Saturday began with an early start, Jason made breakfast for us. This may have been the catalyst for the mood that encompassed our feelings for the rest of the day. By the way it was a delicious pancake breakfast that was very enticing. Directly proceeding breakfast we decided to return to a room where we can control the entrance of those that cannot work child proof door knobs.
I'm not gonna lie to you, there we spent the next few hours tooling around on the Internet, downloading more music, TV shows, pretty much doing nothing of consequence. We did however send Bobby on a top secret mission to the fridge to retrieve some top secret sodas.
Around one-ish we decided that we should do something, the plan was to hop on a train and go downtown for some excitement. However upon review of the weather and the freezing temperatures, the decision was made to stay home to continue to do what we have already been doing...namely nothing.
So we got some pizza, some sodas, a few snacks and spent the rest of the day sitting in the same positions on couches watching about 12 episodes of the office, while continuing to tool around on the laptops.
All-in-all...a damn fine day.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
My day
If anyone knows anything about me they know that I like my space. I'm not a hermit, I just enjoy some jimmy time. The fortunate and unfortunate quirk about my current living situation is that I live with my 6 year old neice, 4 and 2 year old nephews. Now, truthfully I love the little buggers and have been enjoying living with them...most of the time.
I would share with you my day with them:
-I awoke to running and screaming down the hall @ 8:00 am, 8:30 am, 9:30 am, and 10:00 am.
-It finally worked @ around 11:00 when Bobby and Zach were knocking on my door, trying to open it, Bobb calling out uncle jimmy and zach calling out em (that's how he says my name), then tracie telling them to let me sleep, and they without concealing the shock in their voices exclaimed he's still sleeping.
-When I had emerged from my room, Tracie had taken them to the store, so I used the time to prepare some delicious pancakes. Upon returning from the store bob informed me pancakes are his favorite and he was hungry, and zach said pop, which means he would also enjoy some flap jacks.
-After my misreading the 3/4 cup of water with 3 or 4 cups of water the three of us sat down for an amazing...ly sticky brunch. Followed by the thrice of us cleaning up, cause as bobby tells me, team work is fun.
-Awhile later I heard a knock on my door and to my surprise when I opened it Batman was standing outside the door. When I was surprised and called him batman, he removed his mask and with a giggle said "no uncle jimmy, its be bobby."He then came into my room, told me my room was cool, questioned me about pretty much everything, and then purused my films, finding batman he decided we should watch/play batman, which was fun cause I was getting ready to go out.
-The very best though was later that evening the six of us were at church and bobby likes to listen to jay's ipod during the service, which is fine during worship, but soon as announcements started, all you could hear was bobby asking questions at the top of his lungs, because he still had the ipod on. It was fairly humerous to those around us.
All in all, its amazing how kids can brighten up a day, or even in the midst of some terrible feelings, they can turn everything around.
i still need some space though.
I would share with you my day with them:
-I awoke to running and screaming down the hall @ 8:00 am, 8:30 am, 9:30 am, and 10:00 am.
-It finally worked @ around 11:00 when Bobby and Zach were knocking on my door, trying to open it, Bobb calling out uncle jimmy and zach calling out em (that's how he says my name), then tracie telling them to let me sleep, and they without concealing the shock in their voices exclaimed he's still sleeping.
-When I had emerged from my room, Tracie had taken them to the store, so I used the time to prepare some delicious pancakes. Upon returning from the store bob informed me pancakes are his favorite and he was hungry, and zach said pop, which means he would also enjoy some flap jacks.
-After my misreading the 3/4 cup of water with 3 or 4 cups of water the three of us sat down for an amazing...ly sticky brunch. Followed by the thrice of us cleaning up, cause as bobby tells me, team work is fun.
-Awhile later I heard a knock on my door and to my surprise when I opened it Batman was standing outside the door. When I was surprised and called him batman, he removed his mask and with a giggle said "no uncle jimmy, its be bobby."He then came into my room, told me my room was cool, questioned me about pretty much everything, and then purused my films, finding batman he decided we should watch/play batman, which was fun cause I was getting ready to go out.
-The very best though was later that evening the six of us were at church and bobby likes to listen to jay's ipod during the service, which is fine during worship, but soon as announcements started, all you could hear was bobby asking questions at the top of his lungs, because he still had the ipod on. It was fairly humerous to those around us.
All in all, its amazing how kids can brighten up a day, or even in the midst of some terrible feelings, they can turn everything around.
i still need some space though.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
I've had some fairly confusing feelings lately, some things that I can't describe and can at times be debilitating. Anyways, I spend a fair amount of time reading, and lately I have been reading some poetry. There is this one poet that I found that is sometimes hard to decipher, yet I connect with his words. I just read this one and have been pondering it:
-The Caged Skylark-
As a dare-gale skylark scanted in a dull cage
Man's mounting spirit in his bone-house, mean house,
dwells-
That bird beyond the remembering his free fells;
This in drudgery, day-labouring-out life's age.
Though aloft on turf or perch or poor low stage,
Both sing sometimes the sweetest, sweetest spells,
Yet both droop deadly sometimes in their cells
Or wring their barriers in bursts of fear or rage.
Not that the sweet-fowl, song-fowl, needs to rest-
Why, hear him , hear him babble and drop down to his nest,
But his own nest, wild nest, no prison.
Man's spirit will be flesh-bound when found at best,
But uncumbered: meadow-down is not distressed
For a rainbow footing it nor he for his bones risen.
-The Caged Skylark-
As a dare-gale skylark scanted in a dull cage
Man's mounting spirit in his bone-house, mean house,
dwells-
That bird beyond the remembering his free fells;
This in drudgery, day-labouring-out life's age.
Though aloft on turf or perch or poor low stage,
Both sing sometimes the sweetest, sweetest spells,
Yet both droop deadly sometimes in their cells
Or wring their barriers in bursts of fear or rage.
Not that the sweet-fowl, song-fowl, needs to rest-
Why, hear him , hear him babble and drop down to his nest,
But his own nest, wild nest, no prison.
Man's spirit will be flesh-bound when found at best,
But uncumbered: meadow-down is not distressed
For a rainbow footing it nor he for his bones risen.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Response?
So it has been a short while since I have posted blogs on this site and I thought that perhaps I would share with you a few of the responses that I have received in recognition of my blogging. I have heard all of the following:
"Its too wordy, what's with all the words" (this has been uttered by more than a few)
"Why is it so black, it makes it hard to read, you should pick a more pleasing color...like your brothers"
"If you were to break your thoughts up in more paragraphs, I might visit again, right now though...no"
"You spelled especially wrong."
"Yea I read your blog. You spelled ascetically wrong, way to go."
"So uh you know that you have to post more."
"Did you post anything else?"
"Your brother likes it."
"Look at my blog, you gotta post more."
"They have spell check right?"
"It was kinda funny, when I could understand what you were saying."
So for all of you that have made this occasion so special...thank you - unless it was too wordy, or I spelled a wurd wrong, or you cant read it, or I haven't posted enough.
"Its too wordy, what's with all the words" (this has been uttered by more than a few)
"Why is it so black, it makes it hard to read, you should pick a more pleasing color...like your brothers"
"If you were to break your thoughts up in more paragraphs, I might visit again, right now though...no"
"You spelled especially wrong."
"Yea I read your blog. You spelled ascetically wrong, way to go."
"So uh you know that you have to post more."
"Did you post anything else?"
"Your brother likes it."
"Look at my blog, you gotta post more."
"They have spell check right?"
"It was kinda funny, when I could understand what you were saying."
So for all of you that have made this occasion so special...thank you - unless it was too wordy, or I spelled a wurd wrong, or you cant read it, or I haven't posted enough.
Tuesday, January 9, 2007
Employee of the month
Ok, so the perk to working for BBV is that I get to view the films before they are released to the public, I know right-it's like being in the highlander. So I watched the above titled movie starring Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson. My opinion? Ehh. There were a few comedic elements, including a performance by Andy Dick, which suprised me, but overall I believe that this particular cinematic expereince was ruined by Ms. Simpson herself. Is she ascetically pleasing, sure; is she a terrible actor, YES. She was rotten in this film, not one funny line did she utter, and they gave her big ears, I mean they were ginormous, it was a little off setting. I did like the movie as a whole until her character uttered this line...."you employee of the months are all the same." Really? I can't even find the words to articualte my thoughts upon this little jem of writing.
I do believe the movie to be redeemable and worth watching however, if you have some free time.
Saturday, January 6, 2007
Son of a B
Due to constant insistence of my brother this is my first blog, and ironically it is about him. You see recently he committed a heinous crime against humanity-and by humanity I mean me. For the holidays Jason and his family come home to MI for the Raitz holiday gala, and needing a room for solitary confinement they sleep in my domicile, which is all fine and dandy, I literally can sleep anywhere. On Dec 25th these Raitzs were scheduled to leave, I had said my farewell departings earlier for I was at work during the departal time. Upon returning home from a gruelling day of employment, I proceed to return my room back to its natural homeostasis, and that is when I noticed something strikingly peculiar; there were holes in my dvd collection. Yes, I was certain that some movies were missing, which really grinds my gears. After questioning my current roommates, Bob and Shell, who were ignorant to the apparent atrocity which had occurred under there noses, I called my trustworthy brother whom I was sure would not strike me in such a way. His response; "Uh, yea I took 'em. I meant to leave a note." Well how thoughtful of you Jason, and when he saw that I became indignant he responded "I'll send them home with mom and dad next weekend." Which by the way he didn't. So here I am in MI with an incomplete dvd collection and my brother who resides in IL with like 12 of my dvds. When I confronted him, via text message, about neglecting to send them home with the visiting parentals, he felt it necessary to call me an ass, and to top that said he was currently rolling around naked with them. Needless to say our relationship had suffered from his lack of tact, courtesy, and breaking of my trust. In fact I am not sure how we will move past the events of that fate full Christmas day. All I can say is that at least God can forgive you, but as for me...
All that to say that I'm actually moving in with Jason and the family in three weeks and will then be reunited with my lost dvds.
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